Miss Hollywood

When I reached the age of five, my father asked me whether or not I wanted to continue with my religious instruction. As long as I could remember anything, I had been hearing about heaven, Jesus, and hell in my grandparents’ Southern Baptist church. My response was simple: I wanted to watch cartoons. Though I was told that cartoon day was Saturday and the Sabbath was Sunday, I was unconvinced that the choice, ultimately, was not between cartoons and God.

          Cartoons, I said. I want to watch cartoons.

Not only did I want to watch cartoons, I also wanted to go to the cartoon Mecca. And I wanted to go there quite badly.

My family of origin went on but two vacations that I recall.  The more memorable of the two occurred when I was six, in August, 1969.  Our parents packed my brother and me in the car and headed South, past the oil rigs and hot dust of Bakersfield, over the Tehachapi mountains, and into the magical, citrus-rich land of Southern California.  Destination: Disneyland, motherfuckers!

Hollywood and Disneyland were beautiful, pristine places – of this, I was confident. In Hollywood, a land of rich black and optimistic white, everyone was a movie star dressed impeccably in sequined silk clothing. (Of course, upon entry into Hollywood, you, too, became a movie star.) The ladies had smooth bouffant hairdos and wore long, snowy gloves – and not just on Sunday. As for the men, they all looked like Gregory Peck and wore dark suits with narrow black ties. Children wore starched clothing from department stores and they had so many books they did not need a library card. Also, they owned stacks of long-playing records. And Hollywood children all had tree houses, some of them even equipped with running water. There were no demonstrations or assassinations or riots or Viet Nams in Hollywood. I thought that even the perpetually sad-eyed Walter Cronkite could find something to smile about in Hollywood, if only he could relocate.

By contrast, Disneyland was a Technicolor confection notable for its buildings, which were constructed from brightly-colored candy, and its residents, who drank lemonade and played pretend all day. Disneyland’s most outstanding feature was its ontological “otherness”: it was an entirely separate realm of being and reality. When you passed through its gates, you were received into an unspooling universe of sumptuous hand-painted Disney animation cels—which, through science, had been transformed into inhabitable space. Yes: I had somehow come to believe that at Disneyland, my most cherished picture books and favorite cartoons (never mind that most of the latter were Warner Bros. products) would rise from two dimensions into three.

I had intuited other facts about Disneyland. In Disneyland, adults did not yell at kids, nor did they shout at one another about money. Of particular salience to me was the fact that nobody forced anyone else to finish what was on his plate because a child was starving in a remote foreign country – because once you were in Disneyland, there was no more starvation, anywhere. Moreover, there were no spankings or beatings in Disneyland. As the remarkably-democratic kingdom’s venues and creatures were brought to life by one’s passing through Disneyland’s gates, all discomfort, spoilt surprises, undeserved whippings, not-getting-the-toy-one-pined for, best friends who were lost to parentally-forced relocations—all those horrible, quotidian childhood experiences of powerlessness would melt and forever dissipate in the face of balls-out magic. In Disneyland, adults, cartoons, animals, and children conducted themselves with mutual respect and perpetual joy.

Disneyland’s horns of plenty were filled with personalities rather than gourds and Indian corn. I was fairly certain that at Disneyland you could have endless personal audiences with magical, kindness-dispensing figures such as Santa, Bugs Bunny while cross-dressing, Lady Bird Johnson, Thumbelina, and Jesus (the pastel Jesus from the nice song who loved the little children, all the children of the world — not the furious  Biblical Jesus who yelled at the moneychangers in the temple). Love, at Disneyland, was as pure and as concentrated as Tang.

The big question that haunted my early childhood was why all people did not choose to live in Disneyland all the time.  If such a heaven-on-earth existed, why would people make it their destination for a once-in-a-lifetime visit? It made no sense. But adults acted irrationally all the time; I knew that a child’s only recourse was to shake her head, keep her mouth shut, and wait for time to pass. As such, I would settle for a few days of vacation in the land of living cartoons and perfect elegance and know, in my heart, that I would return to live there once I had reached the age of majority.

The drive to Disneyland was torturous: I would wait until I could bear it no more, then I’d blurt out “How many more miles!? how many more minutes!?” Initially, I suspect, this was cute, but after its umpteenth repetition my parents stopped answering my queries. Naturally, this did not affect my need to voice them. “How many more miles!? how many more minutes!?” Eventually my father, his rectangle of eyes glowering at me in the rear-view mirror, threatened me with a paddling if I would not shut up about how much longer it was going to be. Determined not to get smacked, for the remainder of the long drive I ground my teeth and kicked my white Sun-San sandals together, clenching and unclenching my fists for good measure. We would get here eventually, then everything would be perfect.

The disappointments, of course, were immediate and myriad.

Upon entry into Disneyland, cartoons did not, in fact, rise like mist from the ground and heal every lousy thing that had ever happened to you, your quarreling parents, and your intermittent adversary, the elder sibling. It was the same old shit, only you were supposed to be enjoying yourself, only how can you enjoy yourself when you are dumbstruck at how little Disneyland differs from the rest of creation. Disneyland was a violence against the imagination. Those who do not recall their emotions at relatively early developmental ages might question whether a recent graduate of kindergarten can experience life-redefining disenchantment, but I assure you that I did.

Like a goose fated for the pâté plate, expectations as to what visitors encounter at Disneyland had been funneled down my gullet as long as I could remember.  I had not done this to myself. Rather, the Disney industrial complex of fantasy pushers granted me gateway samples: Saturday morning cartoons, children’s “literature” and read-along records manufactured by Disney, all of which conspired to dupe me into believing that physical entry into the kingdom of Disney was going to provide an amazing, life-fulfilling, peak experience for me. It was emphatically not a collective or shared experience that was promised; to the contrary, all signs pointed to this being a deeply personal hero’s journey in the company of familiar animated creatures and requisite parental guardians.

But as it turned out, I was one of many children at Disneyland.  There were hoards of us forming cues to board rides and pointing with bald and unseemly desperation at souvenirs that promised material compensation for the collective let-down that I was certain we were all experiencing. Upon absorbing our astonishing ubiquity and recognizing our shared delusions of what should or might transpire at a corporate amusement park, the slightly more intelligent of the unformed, sticky masses, were rendered bitter, sullen, and prematurely wizened.  Everywhere you turned, it was a funhouse of yourself and your suddenly frumpy family: lines of ugly, squalling children and irritable parents with helmet hair (mostly women) and crew cuts (mostly men).

Worse than one’s complete lack of uniqueness in the Magic Kingdom, though, were the depressingly faux-cheerful mechanical rides that were supposed to induce childish squeals of delight. Their mechanical features were not even hidden: pivoting linkages, trusses, gears, and cables right there, as if we were too stupid to see them. To my eye, the rides were uniformly old, coated with sun-cracked, buckling, and sometimes outright peeling paint. Where was the magic in any of that?  I’d seen new tractors with hard candy shell paint that were more impressive than this shit. The rides were nothing but poorly-faked magic. They were the manufactured contraptions of the same imperfect world from which we had traveled. We were the victims of an elaborate con.

As for my cartoon character “friends,” their fraudulence was instantly apparent.  Disneyland had neither brought its cartoon creations to life, nor bothered to produce credible ersatz cartoon beings. What kind of idiot-child could be duped by adults parading around in over-sized, cumbersome Halloween costumes? Additionally, in an irritating and confusing conceit, the costume-encased adults feigned muteness and used their gloved hands to mime communication. Of course, the necessity of this strategy was obvious: if they were to speak and use their human voices – rather than the native cartoon throat that none of them possessed – the ruse that they were the actual characters from TV would be broken for whatever dimwit child had not already put two and two together.

I was thunderstruck that They – this “amusement park” pretending to be the Wonderful World of Disney – my parents, the orange grove farmers who had originally owned the land, or whomever – were successfully peddling this cheap imitation of the Disneyland of my imagination. An added arabesque of outrage and melancholy was the fact that everyone seemed engaged in a collective decision to pretend that Disneyland was just as wonderful as it should be. It was my guess that those feigning joy or even neutrality were either secretly let down, as I was, or they were complicit in and benefiting from the ruse.

However, I was a guarded child, and would not speak of my impression of Disneyland without thinking it through. Instead, I gathered data in the form of my parents’ facial expressions, body language, and speech. After a short period of analysis, I deduced that my parents also felt despondent – but I also gathered that this was not a permissible topic of conversation. It was as if we were all playing Go Fish or Old Maid and the rule was you did not show or discuss the cards in your hand. I wondered why this was the case, but decided that it did not matter. They did not speak of it, and neither would I.

Though negotiating Disneyland was not as simple as maintaining a stiff upper lip in the face of crushed expectations. There was something else going on in the parental silence – something slithery, something menacing, something with infrared vision that lived under beds and inside dark closets. I was acutely aware of the economic sacrifices of this trip, and I sensed that the imperative not to speak of the awfulness of Disneyland arose from this. There had been plenty of times when my father’s income had not been the equal of our bills. Before I was toilet trained, my mother taught me that the first rule of home economics was that if you have less than a dollar to feed a family, buy eggs: they are relatively cheap, they are a good source of protein, and they are filling. So while I did not understand money, I knew we sometimes did not have enough of it. Moreover, I was aware that I wore homemade clothing because only wealthy people had store-bought wardrobes. I was nothing if not observant. Therefore, I knew that Disneyland was a luxury that involved the removal of precious dollars from my father’s lean, butt-contouring wallet. An additional cost of Disneyland, I noted, was the purchase of the right to sleep in a number 6 Motel, which was so decadent it was almost unbearable. As much as I relished the finer things, I felt shame and guilt for putting my parents in this situation.

It occurred to me that a good child would, under these circumstances, feign ecstatic enthusiasm for Disneyland even though it completely sucked. So I did. When “Goofy” and “Mickey Mouse” sidled up next to me, I pretended to be bedazzled. We stood in lines under the same hot white sun that existed at home for our turn sitting, for a few moments, on spinning, creaking rides. I smiled broadly and pretended not to notice the fact that this was merely the quotidian world, as opposed to the pristine cartoon cel-world that we were supposed to be visiting, which apparently did not even exist. In a bit of inspired duplicitousness I asked to go on the “It’s a Small World” ride twice, for I thought that this would be the most effective way to convince my parents that I really liked it. And so forth. An endless concatenation of white lies to justify the nauseating expense of Scamland.

In one square snapshot from this trip, I am wearing cat-eye sunglasses purchased in a Disneyland gift shop, which my parents had grimly purchased for me, along with Minnie Mouse ears, which were not really “ears” per se, but a black felt beanie with plastic ear disks – and a bow, because it was for girls.  My mouth formed an involuntary upside-down U, as it nearly always did when I was told to face blinding sunlight and say “cheese” for the plastic Kodak Instamatic camera.

“Smile!” my mother yelled at me as she took this picture. “You’re Miss Hollywood!” I frowned, certain that the sun was melting the eyes out of my head, and grimaced, wrongly imagining that I had formed something approximating a grin. My mother snapped a picture and lowered the camera. Both of my parents smiled with their teeth showing. Struck by this unusual demonstration of approval, I was momentarily cheered by the possibility that I might find an even vaster audience. Perhaps we would go to Hollywood, I would become a child star, and all that dismayed in Disneyland could be forgotten.

It was unclear what was on the familial agenda for the following day, and I made no inquiries. My father rose early, as was his custom. Upon his return to the foreign glamour that was a rented sleeping room for a family, I sat up, still in a sleep coma, and kicked back the stiff nylon bedspread. I was percipient enough to note that my father had a Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand, a newspaper wedged under an armpit, and a singularly grim expression on his face. I wondered if I had done something wrong. My mother looked as if she were thinking the same thing. He gestured at my mother to leave the room and she obeyed without a word.

“Lie down!,” my father scolded me before following my mother outside. The door glided shut on its own, because at the top it was attached to a mechanical device that resembled one of those refillable Black Flag bug sprayers. My parents conferred on the other side of the lacquered motel room door. I scooted over to the open window, and I heard the words “ritual murder,” which sounded very bad, but also “movie star,” “Folgers coffee,” and “heiress,” all of which sounded good. The overall tone of the conversation, however, was definitely not good.

Time passed. They eventually came inside. I was alarmed by my mother’s eyes, which were teary, and her demeanor, which was agitated.  My father set down the newspaper at an angle that permitted me to see its headlines, which were in heavy, screaming type. The creepiest thing about this newspaper was the photographic window from which the black and white face and vacant, deep-set eyes of Sharon Tate stared. I stared back at her. “She was so beautiful,” my beautiful mother said ruefully. All of this was making me quite anxious. I asked what had happened. My father informed me that the beautiful woman had been killed, along with a coffee heiress and their friends. He added that the murders had occurred in Southern California, at a location that was evidently adjacent to the motel, because we, too, were in Southern California. I felt my eyes go wide. It seemed we were not at all safe. I asked if we might also expect to be killed in Southern California.

“No,” my father said. “Los Angeles is very large. Besides, they are just killing rich people.” Later that day – once we were en route to Knotts Berry Farm, and after she had recovered from the initial shock of the what were to become known as the Manson Murders – my mother, a former beauty queen, resumed calling me “Miss Hollywood.” I was no longer interested in the title.

···

          Upon our return home from the ill-fated vacation, I announced, seemingly inexplicably, that I wanted to attend Sunday School. For I had learnt on our pilgrimage to Southern California that cartoon paradise on earth was a sham: Disneyland, while a beautiful thing in the imagination, was in reality a flimsy, cheap imitation of something remarkable. It had promised transcendence and great beauty, but to actually go there and experience it firsthand was to expose oneself to the null set of the human experience. Adding insult to injury, there was a budget-annihilating price tag attached to the privilege of having your dreams eviscerated by the snake oil salesmen that ran the place. Perhaps worst of all, its myriad disappointments had to be processed solitarily, for none of this could ever be spoken of. That was the rule, after all. Hollywood, too, was not at all what it was supposed to be: instead of a land of opulence and ease, it was a malevolent, murderous place – at least for rich people. Therefore, I was done with Hollywood. As for cartoons, while they were still pleasurable, I no longer believed in them.

As a citizen of the imagination, I felt it was not viable to survive in this world without having faith in the existence of another one. There had to be something beyond the scope of one’s material surroundings. Something that promised respite from the overseas war on television every night, the riots that seemed to be taking place everywhere, the fire bombs that were thrown through the windows of churches and family homes, and police who aimed guns at long-haired college students. Surely there was a paradise untouched by all the terrifying, unfathomable, boiling violence of America.

That pretty Doris Day song “Que Sera Sera” was as instructive as it was troubling. While her singing was as buoyant as helium balloons, there was a ribbon of menace woven into the lyrics: What will be, will be. Somehow, that was not a comfort, though it was packaged up as an answer to uncertainty. What if what will be, will be ends up being a ritual murder of a pretty actress and a coffee heiress and exotically-named people in Los Feliz?  What if que sera, sera turns out to be the assassination of another President? What will be, will be had not worked out so great for Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy, and those skinny rice farmers in Viet Nam who were getting blown up every day because they lived in jungles, and jungles breed communism, and communism was trying to kill us.

Since Disneyland and Hollywood had failed me, it was time to move on. Perhaps church would offer the elusive safe haven for which I yearned: a tranquil, alternative world that was not predicated on fantasy, deceit, guilt, and violence. It was time to begin the Great Investigation.

Posted in Illusions and Disillusions, Living a Clear-Eyed Life Unfettered by Iron Age Belief Systems | Leave a comment

Falling Through Space Man

I. Love is Not the Only Thing that Hurts: The Corrosion of Employment-Related Doublespeak and the Injuries of Obligatory Self Promotion.

Job fair. What an intrinsically repellant collision of words.

“Fair” (and even more so, its ye olde spelling, “faire”) conjures up festive associations: cotton candy-scented breezes; carnival barkers with sleeve garters and waxed mustaches; optimistic adults holding the hands of squealing children; rigged ring-toss games; temporarily-tantalizing plush toy prizes; and amusement park rides of questionable safety that can be quickly disassembled by itinerant alcoholics.

Good times, in short.

However, when “job” is fused to “fair,” something wicked this way comes. Attending a “job fair” means entering into a grey, Janus-faced carnival the theme of which is Work or its infinitely more dreadful counterpart: Unemployment. Despite — and possibly even because of — the chirpy linguistic sweetener of “fair,” the “job fair” word-sandwich is an indigestible, noxious concoction of false jollity and despair.

I speak from direct experience in the maw of the beast itself. Having lost the job I hated (as a litigator) in the profession I hated (litigation, or more generally, the law), and saddled with more than $100,000 of student loan debt after having graduated from law school two years prior, I found myself, at 40, donning a funereal suit and walking into a vast, balloon-bedecked conference room at my alma mater. But wait, it gets worse: I was attending a job fair primarily geared toward 22-year-old college seniors, although “mid-career” alumni had also been invited, as evidenced by the salting of anxious, grey-haired folk in the sea of slouching, hey whassup–hey whatssup exchanging youth.

Under my arm like a broken black wing was a portfolio containing my resume, which was printed on extravagant cotton rag paper. My CV and I were at this job fair to find an exciting career opportunity to grab by the tail feathers. Inferior paper stock would not be permitted to interfere with this plan.

In my preliminary scan of the room, I registered that, if nothing else, I had a cosmetic advantage over the majority of my middle-aged confreres. (Because I was a woman living in West Los Angeles at the time, this was an inescapable feature of my mental background noise.) Due to the vagaries of “good” genes, taking good care of myself, and being surrounded by law school friends over a decade my junior, I was able to pass for being much younger than I actually was. Not that that would make a difference, I was to learn.

Three graduate degrees, you say? Fabulous! Why thank you, enthusiastic recruiter! Might one have been an MBA? Well, actually—no. Perhaps an advanced degree in CS, IT, EE, or another useful acronym? Uh, nooooo. Did I enjoy playing around with Linux? Or was I, by chance, an online gamer? Oh God no. Did I have anything resembling a quantitative skill set tucked away somewhere? Yeah, no—not so much.

My girlish, floral spray of decorative liberal arts graduate degrees – even the law degree – was not quite what anyone was looking for. ‘But how interesting you are!’ recruiter mouths said, while their eyes scanned the crowd for people with education and aptitudes that might actually add value to their companies.

To be fair, the uninterest was mutual. I chatted up a funhouse sequence of generic recruiters for public utilities, software startups, banks, insurance companies, and other industries for which I could not imagine working, barring my undergoing high-voltage electroconvulsive therapy, a personality transplant, or both. After engaging in the sort of falsely upbeat small talk that makes me want to open a vein, then mutually determining that this was not an employer-employee love match writ in the stars, I would realize afresh the extent to which I am a sardonic introvert in a chipper extravert’s world – and I would move on to the next company’s representative for more of the same empty palaver.

II. In Which I Meet My Human Spirit Animal.

Then, over a loudspeaker, all attendees and recruiters were directed to take a seat at the round table – of which there were dozens – closest to wherever we were standing. The master of ceremonies implied that as soon as we followed his instructions something fun and awesome was going to ensue. I imagined a raffle or the distribution of candy to people who picked the lucky chairs. After a noisy several minutes, most people were seated. Disobeying the instructions to take the nearest chair, I retreated to the far side of the room, where I had spied two nonthreatening young women and an older man sitting together and talking companionably. When I pulled out a folding chair to join them, I thought I sensed from them a wave of relief, which seemed peculiar, so I attributed it to my fecund imagination. After the four of us exchanged quick introductions, the room was shushed by the MC.

The next instruction was as simple as it was, to me, unpleasant: Jobseekers were to perform an “elevator pitch” to whatever recruiters were seated at their table. Two revelations struck me simultaneously: (a) “elevator pitch” must mean some sort of job-begging spiel, and (b) this was neither fun nor awesome. A menacing stalactite of thought suddenly formed in the cave of my mind: Was it now necessary to panhandle in business environments if one wanted to find a position? In that moment it was unclear to me if I would ever work again.

After the MC turned the proceedings over to us at the local/table level, much was revealed. Both of the young women at my table worked as “HR subcontractors” for a nationwide company (which I shall call “DoucheCo”) that had recently and infamously eliminated thousands of middle management employees in an effort to become “leaner and more competitive,” or some milquetoast corporatespeak of that nature.

Heather was the warmer and chattier of the two; Amber smiled and nodded vigorously whenever Heather spoke, but said little and appeared to be attending the fair in a training capacity. After Heather described what a great company DoucheCo was and how “psyched” both she and Amber were to have been hired by DoucheCo for their first jobs out of college, both girls looked pointedly at the older gent, Richard. It almost seemed as if they were nonverbally prodding him to interact with me. This was odd. Richard was probably in his late 50s. He was well dressed, but seemed deeply abstracted and confused, as if he’d just been awakened from a coma after the passage of many years’ time.

With an abrupt, awkward eagerness bordering on desperation, Richard revealed that he was unemployed and blurted out his overture to me: So!! What company did I represent!? When I unamusingly joked that I was representin’ myself, in that I, too, was a jobseeker, Richard looked crestfallen. I apologetically shrugged a shoulder. His disappointment in my inability to serve as a useful contact for him nettled me, though I admit it was, to some degree, a reciprocal disappointment.

Richard then explained that he shared with Heather and Amber a connection to DoucheCo.  Like the young women, Richard had worked for DoucheCo since graduating from college, but unlike them, he had graduated more than thirty years ago. And even more unlike them, he had just been laid off a few months ago during the company’s “reorganization.” He was, he added with a tight plastic smile affixed to his face, “looking at this as an exciting opportunity for growth and change.” I blanched. It was a statement so patently inauthentic and so carefully rehearsed that most receptacles of a soul would have cringed to hear it uttered, particularly given Richard’s circumstances. That said, I also recognized that this sort of cant is so universal that it is more or less essential for us to spew when engaged in formal conversations and career development is at issue. Some part of my soul curled up its toes and quietly died. Meanwhile, it was clarified that Heather and Amber’s roles were to help Richard and other DoucheCo middle-management casualties “transition,” which was apparently DoucheCo’s euphemism for “to find gainful employment after having been fired before their pensions vested.” To his infinite credit, Richard did not seem to harbor any resentment toward Heather and Amber, though what two HR “specialists” in their early twenties had to offer a displaced executive of his years was not clear to me.

There were no “elevator pitches” at our table. Instead, we conversed. Mostly, I listened. Richard, I started to realize, was like an amber-encased representative of a largely-extinct species of worker bee: the reassuring family man who always paid his bills on time and who assumed that being honest, doing everything by the book, and being punctual meant something important about one’s character; the old-school, stand-up guy who had naturally and not unreasonably assumed that his loyalty to his employer would translate into a lifetime of regular promotions and job security until the day he retired; the average, college-educated white businessman of a certain era who played a lot of golf, enjoyed a generous expense account, and whose job duties were pleasantly indistinct and amorphous. The chasm between Richard’s work life, expectations, and experience of the world and that of his transition team of HR specialists was dizzying. Richard grew up with radio theatre, black and white TV, penny candy, and stickball; Heather and Amber were introduced to computers as small children and very likely could not imagine a reality unmediated by silicon transistors.

At a certain point, I turned my attention to Heather. She was a nice enough person, and I felt reasonably comfortable talking with her – most of my friends in LA were not much older than Heather, and I slipped into the verbal jeans that I don when speaking with much younger friends. We were chatting about something eminently forgettable when she suddenly proposed that we add one another to our LinkedIn networks.

“Linked into what?,” Richard asked. “That’s some kind of internet thing, am I right?,” he added, attempting to project a degree of technological savvy. Heather suppressed a smile. She was professional like that, given her expertise in HR. I felt badly for both of them: nothing in this interaction seemed to augur a successful “transition.”

“LinkedIn is, like, a social networking tool – you know, like Myspace or Facebook – only for professionals and jobseekers,” Heather said briskly. Richard looked as if he’d just been pushed – backwards – off a very high ledge. He clearly had no fucking clue what any of those things were. In addition to total bafflement, there was something else rippling under the surface of his reaction. I conjured up a swirl of unvoiced, peevish responses that one would expect from a man of Richard’s years: “‘Linked in is for social networking,’ she says? Thank you, HR Barbie. As if networking were not already, by definition, a social activity. And what the hell is a My Space? Something for computer-age hippies who demand that the Establishment provide them “space” to do their own thing?… When in the hell will everyone realize that adding “.com” to compound nouns like “book face” does not mean you’re a genius? Fuck it. That’s the DoucheCo HR braintrust in action, ladies and gentlemen: are you ‘psyched’ or what?!”

To be fair, Heather’s explanation would have been gibberish to quite a few people: Facebook was in its infancy at the time, and not many mature adults who were not some genre of creepy had registered with Myspace (which was then still “MySpace”) for an account. I had been dragged into familiarity with the periphery of the high tech, online milieu by fate and exigent circumstances; but for peer pressure and bad career choices I easily could have been in Richard’s shoes of total incomprehension.

Generally I take a perverse delight in revealing my ignorance about the world around me as it reveals itself; Richard, however, was apparently cut from a different bolt of cloth. Notwithstanding his evident bewilderment, Richard seemed unable or unwilling to admit his confusion and ask for further clarification. I imagined that on some level he decided in that moment to abandon the slow death of finding his place in the new world order, and instead to submit to the freefall that his professional life had become. He was frozen for just one second – there, on the cusp of a fatal tumble into space. He stared at the balloons and the boisterous networking around him one last time, none of it meaning anything anymore.

In that moment, I felt unexpectedly close to Richard. I had not experienced his decades-long, pre-layoff lifestyle of upper-middle-class ease and comfort, and he was much closer to my parents’ age than my own, but, crucially, I was old enough to remember the social structures that made sense to him, but which had ceased to exist when he was looking the other way, minding his own cocooned business. I could identify with his feeling displaced and fucked with by insubstantial e-trifles. And, given my own secret inability to imagine my place in alien future unfurling before us, I imagined that we shared the fear of not understanding the rules in everyone else’s playbook—nor even the language in which they were written. Additionally, I had less admirable thoughts, including the decidedly more feral revelation: better him than me. Because as I much felt like Sister Outsider as an older jobseeker, at least I read the occasional issue of Wired magazine. And I was getting my news—hell, even driving instructions!—from the internet. I could at least fake belonging to this era.

But Richard? That guy was freaking lost. In that moment, I christened him “Falling through Space Man.”

III. In Which Lessons Are Assimilated, Well After the Fact.

Over the ensuing years, on occasions when I have felt starkly, nakedly alone – or obsolete because of my inexorably advancing age – or, still worse, when it has occurred to me that I am a professional or personal failure – I have seen Richard, in my mind’s eye, at the precise moment that he became Falling Through Space Man to me. And my initial, regrettable “better him than me” impression has been supplanted by something else entirely.

There is a meta-message of Falling Through Space Man as a symbol (as opposed to Richard, the displaced executive) and it is that none of us is invincible. We all can and do suffer losses and humiliations, and sometimes these wounds go septic and ruin our lives. Failure is something that we all experience, at one time or another. Any sense of mastery that we have over our bodies and our lives’ trajectories is woefully illusory. Even if you find yourself at the 1% end of the continuum of the human experience, and there is an objective reality to your superiority and your fabulousness (say, you are the President of the United States, CEO of DoucheCo, an Olympic gold medalist, or all of the above), there is a terribly finite shelf life to your exalted state of being. The good news is that if you are able to recognize and accept this, the relief can be profound.

While the superstitious would have you believe otherwise, adversity, change, and death simply occur; these are phenomena unaffected and undeterred by ritual and talisman. When it is your turn to suffer, there’s no Great Dispensary of succor, and no turning back for a do-over.  If you are gifted, have good timing, and are born in the right place and time, you might be able to dodge calamity and get nearly all you want out of life; if you are not, “Outlook not so good,” in the prophetic words of the Magic 8 Ball.

Nothing lasts forever: not jobs, not companies, not economic systems, not human relationships, not our health, and certainly not our lives. We might have a rocking professional life, but then we get fired or lose the prosperous business that we built from the ground up. We might have a gorgeous figure, but then we get that little bump checked and we have to have our breasts sheared off. We experience happiness only in quilt-making, then crippling arthritis sets in, rendering our hands useless claws. We find solace in our family heirlooms, and our home gets burgled. We get caught doing something stupid, and our spotless reputation goes into the sewer. We grow old. Our bodies betray us, and the corporeal homes to which we were accustomed transform into meat-prisons that encase us in bewildering diseases and disabilities. Crackheads set our house on fire. We die. The carnies take a pull from their hip flasks, spit in the dirt, and head to the next county’s fairgrounds.

Many of us have irrational and sometimes maladaptive practices that we imagine help us to exert control over a world that is impervious to these efforts: “visualization” and prayer to manifest healing, or make a field goal or land a new account; sending out electronic resumes to find work (a practice approximately as efficacious as chanting to levitate one’s car); looking for true love on Craig’s List. These are genuine efforts to ward off the experience of looking in the mirror and seeing Falling Through Space Man, though of course, that is exactly who we are now, or will be in the near future. While I own that there is something terribly dear about an irrational, spazzy approach to our freefall through time and space – and I myself have logged years of my life in organized and disorganized religion – I have come to cherish the questions, certitudes and ongoing revelations of science, and I love the cold implacability of the stars in the sky that do not give a fuck when you or I were born.

As a slightly older, slighter wiser, and hopefully much more compassionate woman, when I see iterations of Richard in the world, I make an effort get involved if I can, for I see in them a universal experience that inspires a tender compassion. Direct experience of my own failures has greatly diminished any fear I might once have had about consorting with “losers.” And each time I rediscover Falling Through Space Man within myself, yet again, I do my damnedest to see things as they are, rather than how I might wish they were. There is nothing “out there” that will rescue us from some disasters, like advanced metastatic cancer, job fairs, and the fact that there are audiences for Jersey Shore and Rush Limbaugh. Accepting the fact that there is no metaphysical Oz in the universe’s control booth is more than a little terrifying. That said, there is profound comfort to be taken from the objective reality that being denied what you need, losing what you love, and being lost are human experiences that we all share, at one time or another. Next time it is your turn, remember this, and I will do the same. It can be a lifeline – maybe not the one we would choose if we had our druthers, but still a consoling truth: we are not alone. We are, every one of us, falling through space.

IV.  Until We Meet Again.

Falling Through Space is to be a weekly repast of succulent memoir writing and tangy opinion pieces. Return to this URL whenever you have a penchant for heart-felt, hard-headed, tragicomic musings and silent screams related to:

  • job-seeking in the post-new-economy economy;
  • aging in an elder-loathing culture;
  • living a clear-eyed life unfettered by Iron Age belief systems; and,
  • whatever else is stuck in my wizened craw.

I look forward to our continued fall through space together.

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